Officially said goodbye to my 4 years of university life at Simon Fraser University. I’ve been waiting for this day to come for a long time but looking at myself now… I’m hesitating and being anxious when thinking about my convocation day on October 9th. It seems like my very last connection with university life will be cut off from then on. My friends, my professors, my study areas, my campus food, my student discounts…. I’ll have to say a permanent goodbye.
I’ve been there before. When I graduated from high school and had to leave Hong Kong for college. When I don’t have my housemaid waking me up every morning and had my uniform, breakfast, and lunch prepared. When I have to start planning my own course schedules and even pay my own tuition. When joining a club on campus is not for your own interest but more about paving your path for success. When socializing with people doesn’t only mean gossiping and hanging out anymore… It’s call the stages of changes in life. The time when you have to grow up and move on.
I don’t have plans to go further with my academic career anytime in the near future. I’m unclear what I want to do and what career I want to pursue. I’m a little hesitant about what I’m good at and what my true passion is. People have been telling me what to do, and what job offers out there are paying well. However, I don’t want to start a career I’m not interested in just because it is well paid. What bothers me the most is the my job is underpaying me for what I’m doing. I don’t see a bright future with the company and I’m one of those silly employee who don’t want to quit their job because of the little perks I’m receiving. To be honest, I know I’m just looking for a reason to quit. I keep telling people I’m not quitting because I don’t have another job and I can’t have no income. Sitting at home doing nothing and just wait till an opportunity to come won’t work for me cause I have bills to pay. Yet, I’m just going home after work lying on my sofa watching TV instead of updating my resume and writing cover letters. Then I give myself another excuse that my family is visiting and we are hanging out and going on road trips so there’s no way I will have time for interviews or start a new career.
As a fresh grad, there’s a lot of uncertainty. I want to be ambitious but I also want to give myself a long vacation before working into another stage of my life. At this moment, I just want to follow my heart and leave it to my guts. I’m young and I can take some risks. If I made the wrong decisions, I can learn from it and grow with it. I know if I don’t let my guts make choices now, I will never get that chance to leave responsibilities behind for risks in the future when I have a family to support and take care of.
It’s scary but I know I’ll do what is best for me.